IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that governments should spend money for faster public transportation, others think that there are other important priorities (e.g. cost, environment). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued that investment should only be in metros rather than in saving the environment and regulating pollution. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives, and my opinion is that spending money on nature is more effective. In
this
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 fast-paced era, technology is the utmost aspect of an individual's life. As
people
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 are relying more and more on electronics. It is good if the government spends some money on faster public transportation because it will greatly benefit society.
For example
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, Japan has started speedy metro trains, and it encourages
people
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 to use the train to go to work rather than using their private vehicles. More and more
people
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 use public transport, less and less congestion on roads.
However
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, it will help in saving some time and increase their productivity at work.
Furthermore
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, the environment plays a crucial role in human life. Somehow, advancement in technology seems to curse to environment as
people
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 are developing new ideas to make their lives easy rather than thinking of natural resources.
In other words
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, cutting down the forest to make big highways and roads, but it is
imbalancing
Correct your spelling
balancing
 the natural cycle. I think the government should invest some funds in conserving the
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
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 by creating conservative parks.
Moreover
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, wildlife is
also
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 impacted as many species are going extinct.
Therefore
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, higher authorities need to take some steps to preserve the natural aspects and raise awareness among
people
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 through seminars and surveys. In conclusion, I believe that the government should pay attention to other important priorities other than developing the fastest means of transport because nature is already being disturbed a lot and it will lead to an increase in natural disasters.

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task achievement
The essay discusses both perspectives, but it would benefit from clearer distinctions between the two views. Try to specifically name the alternatives to fast transportation and elaborate on them.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction to clearly indicate the main points that will be discussed in the essay. A clear roadmap helps the reader understand the argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
While you have provided examples, make sure they are more directly related to the arguments being made, with further explanations of how they support your viewpoint.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion in the introduction and conclude your essay with a strong reiteration of your stance. This shows clarity in your viewpoint and coherence in concluding your discussion.
task achievement
Your writing reflects a thoughtful consideration of both sides of the argument and makes a good attempt at addressing the topic in depth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government expenditure
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • congestion
  • productivity
  • environmental sustainability
  • allocate funds
  • cost-effective
  • balancing priorities
  • reduce carbon emissions
  • urban planning
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