IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
It is believed that volunteering ought to be taught in schools.
This
 essay wholeheartedly concurs with that recommendation because it aids
students
 in acquiring crucial
work
 experience
while
also
 helping them build soft skills. Education should not only focus on academic subjects;
students
 should
also
 learn life skills like teamwork, empathy, and self-discipline. Community service is one of the finest ways to develop these talents. Serving those less fortunate than ourselves teaches us numerous lessons, like the importance of hard
work
 and how to
work
 with others from different backgrounds, allowing us to develop these qualities before we become adults. To boost their appreciation for what they have and to strengthen their
work
 ethic, many young people from wealthy nations,
for instance
, take a year off from school to volunteer with those who are less fortunate than themselves. These kinds of experiences are increasingly sought after by many institutions and employers. Since most graduates have similar grades, volunteering can help you stand out when applying to colleges compared to other
students
.
For instance
, Cambridge and Oxford only accept a small portion of the hundreds of applications from straight-A
students
 each year. What you have accomplished outside of the classroom frequently sets you apart from the competition and secures you that desired position. In conclusion, teens should be required to perform unpaid
work
 as part of their education since doing so would enable them to obtain skills and knowledge that they might not
otherwise
 learn from their teachers and will increase their likelihood of enrolling in third-level institutions.
Submitted by namitabhoj1610 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides strong arguments, you could make it even more compelling by including an additional counter-argument and refuting it, which will display deeper critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, but consider using more signposting language (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'In addition') to guide the reader through the different points being made.
task achievement
Your ideas and examples are clear and relevant, but try to diversify the vocabulary a bit more to avoid repetition and make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your position and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
Your main arguments are well-supported with relevant examples, which adds weight to your views.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow, making it a pleasure to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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