Online currencies have become more common in recent years. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?
There are various opinions on whether internet
currencies
have a positive effect or not in modern society. In this
essay, I will illustrate the reason online money
is popular recently and give my opinion on why this
is a negative development.
On the one hand, some people
say that internet currencies
are common and popular because it is free from time and place. First,
It is faster than traditional money
for trade because money
can be transferred by Internet directly and in real-time. Take the supermarket purchase for example
. People
can transfer the expense right after buying goods, while
people
who are likely to pay in cash have to calculate money
and check it correctly which takes a lot of time. Second,
people
can use online currencies
in any place because those can be used even by smartphones in people
's hands. For instance
, if I have to transfer money
to my wife on the bus, I am able to send it directly through my mobile phone, while
people
who are the only cash users have to visit their homes.
On the other hand
, I insist that it has many disadvantages because it is widely open to a number of frauds and it also
damages even teenagers. First,
people
can easily lose their money
because most of them are not guaranteed by authorities. For example
, one Korean famous bit-coin operator escaped from countries recently since
he cheated a lot of Correct word choice
because
people
and it
made plenty of victims. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Second,
young boys can not control expenses because it is virtual money
. For example
, one high-school student can purchase some products with virtual money
which can be transferred by a parent's credit card next month and it causes serious problems later.
In conclusion, the occurrence of virtual money
is negative because it can not protect against many expected frauds and damage
young children as well. In Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
this
regard, I strongly believe that, although
online currencies
are common in modern society, they are not beneficial at all.Submitted by ㅎ
on
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Task Response
In the Introduction, it is important to clearly state your position on the topic and provide a brief outline of the points you will be discussing in the body paragraphs. Also, make sure to provide a conclusion that summarizes your opinion and main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks clear organization and coherence. The flow of ideas is unclear, and the essay would benefit from better use of linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve the overall structure.