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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, people these days spend very little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whom does this affect more, parents or children?

#countries #people #time #children #affect #parents
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Parents
Use synonyms
 not spending enough
time
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 with their kids is becoming more widespread among many families these days.
This
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 essay will examine the causes
as well as
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 the effects on the children related to
this
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 tendency. There are a variety of different causes for
this
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 matter in many families.
To begin
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 with, it seems that
parents
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 in
this
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 generation are busier than the previous one. Most of them have both primary jobs and slide jobs as well;
therefore
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, they spend more
time
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 on overtime work
besides
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 office hours and concentrate on increasing their incomes. Another contributing factor to mention is that nowadays, the development of technology and caring
services
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 are common. Indeed, it is becoming more convenient and modern for
parents
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 to replace house care and child care by booking online
services
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. Gradually,
parents
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 do not have many opportunities to show their love because technology and
services
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 are used to replace a huge part of
parents
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’ responsibility and care.
For example
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, babysitting
services
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 are available on several online apps for busy moms to back to office life without any considerations about their babies. Unexpectedly, there are some significant consequences for children, which
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
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. The first and most important is that kids will have a less emotional connection with their
parents
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 but more attachment to electrical devices. Because
parents
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 do not have much
time
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 to bond with them, they will spend most of their
time
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 playing games or watching movies on tablets or smartphones, which makes them more and more prefer to live in their own virtual world than understand and connect with their
parents
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. Another effect no less important is the less family
time
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 they have, the more conflicted they are.
For instance
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, when kids are not able to share their thoughts, emotions and behaviours, they tend to mutiny and struggle with their mother or father, which gradually causes mental health issues that no one is even aware of. In conclusion, the lack of family bonding
time
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 is a big problem that affects a lot of families nowadays, especially causing several significant negative impacts on children. It’s mainly caused by a modern society where there is a
high-required
Correct your spelling
high required
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 standard for adults. From what has been discussed, it is advised that
parents
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 need to balance their
time
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 to connect with their sons or daughters more.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task response
The essay addresses all parts of the prompt effectively and provides a clear response to both the causes and effects of parents spending less time with their children. The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear progression from one point to the next. Each paragraph is well-connected and supports the main argument. The introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the essay's content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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