IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

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The idea that,
besides
Linking Words
 making
Use synonyms
profit
Add an article
a profit
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, enterprises need to have public responsibilities remains a source of controversy. In my opinion,
while
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 generating
profit
Use synonyms
 is the top priority of companies, I agree that they should conduct their businesses in a socially responsible manner.
Firstly
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, the effort of companies to make money can benefit the whole society. The higher the
profit
Use synonyms
 earned by enterprises, the more taxes they have to pay.
As a result
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, authorities can have more financial resources to support key fields
such
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 as health care and education, which elevate the quality of life of the whole community.
Moreover
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, the more
profit
Use synonyms
 they make, the more necessary for them to grow their businesses.
Consequently
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, they will need to hire more employees, which can help people have jobs and reduce the situation of poverty in society.
Secondly
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, there are strong reasons why enterprises should have responsibilities
with
Change preposition
to
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 the community. The first reason is that their activities can have
negative
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a negative
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 impact on the environment. Without controls, production processes may result in serious environmental degradation
such
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 as global warming stemming from factory emissions or the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. The second reason is that by taking responsibility with the community, not only do they show care for people
around
Correct pronoun usage
around them
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, but they can
also
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 improve their companies’ image.
For example
Linking Words
, a company doing charity
Change preposition
in at
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at
Correct your spelling
an
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 undeveloped province can help people dealing with
struggle
Add an article
the struggle
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. It can
also
Linking Words
 make the company be loved more by the public. In conclusion,
although
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 I recognize that making profits is the fundamental principle of companies, I would argue that all businesses should reflect upon their social responsibilities.

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introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and sets up the discussion well. However, for improvement, you might want to further specify which aspects of 'socially responsible business conduct' you will cover in detail.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea which is well-developed. Currently, your main points are clear, but further clarification in some arguments would strengthen your response.
relevant examples
When discussing the benefits of companies making a profit, try to provide more detailed examples or statistics to further illustrate the point.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic clearly and presents a well-balanced view that acknowledges both sides of the argument.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reasons, reinforcing the arguments made throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses transition words effectively to connect ideas, making it easy to follow the progression of arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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