Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
In the contemporary world, the controversy surrounding the role of parents and schools in shaping
children
’s abilities has been a prominent topic. Many people value the importance of parenting in instilling necessary skills for societal integration in children
, while
others believe that educational institutions are more pivotal. From my perspective, these two considerations are basically interdependent and indispensable.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that children
inherently absorb a considerable portion of their parent’s characteristics and values. Therefore
, receiving proper guidance from parents could help young individuals to cultivate commendable attributes. For instance
, children
who have been exposed to family violence or come from disadvantaged socioeconomic backgrounds may exhibit antisocial and inappropriate behaviour. In contrast
, children
from more affluent families demonstrate greater adaptability to societal norms, as evidenced by their academic achievements and peer relationships. These examples illustrate how parental influence can significantly impact a child’s ability to become a contributing member of society.
On the other hand
, educational institutions serve as a crucial platform for imparting essential societal values and skills. To be more precise, schools provide an environment where students can learn about teamwork, respect for diversity, and civic responsibility. Furthermore
, educators are equipped to identify and address possible behavioural or psychological issues that may impede a child’s ability to thrive within a communal setting. Hence
, through structured curricula and extracurricular activities, schools play an integral role in preparing children
for active participation in society.
In conclusion, parenting as well as
educators’ guidance, both have positive influences on children
’s behaviours and skills. Thus
, people should hold a balance between these two aspects for the optimum benefits they bring to society.Submitted by Nastaran_zandy on
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from further elaboration on the points made, particularly by providing additional examples and explanations for stronger support. For instance, more detailed examples of how schools teach societal values could be provided.
task achievement
There is a slight imbalance in the discussion of both views. More emphasis is placed on parental influence compared to the role of schools. Effort should be made to give equal weight to both perspectives for a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Transitional phrases and linking words could be varied more to enhance fluidity and prevent repetitive use of connectors. This can make the essay more engaging and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, providing a concise presentation of the topic and a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the central argument, reinforcing the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear focus throughout, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the topic and contributing to the central argument.
task achievement
Solid and well-organized points are presented to support the argument, with logical flow between paragraphs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example