These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.

#people #health #doctors #medicine #lifestyle

When

life

becomes hectic, it is not exaggerated that a lot of

people

nowadays choose to depend on doctors and drugs rather than self-regulating their own lifestyles. Even though I understand that medicine could help cure the disease very quickly, I could not agree that

people

do not have any responsibility for their own health by maintaining a better lifestyle.

Firstly

, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will save a lot of medical examination and treatment costs. There are many cases where

people

have to give up all their assets to treat the disease encountered.

Secondly

, maintaining a healthy lifestyle

such

as doing exercise every day as a habit could help increase

life

quality. A healthy routine not only helps improve body and health but

also

creates a suitable environment to develop thinking. Most successful

people

around the world are already having a good routine to balance their daily

life

and work

life

Although

, not everyone can arrange the time and have enough motivation to do it.

Submitted by dotien.st on Sat Apr 22 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

165 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Q: Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

On one hand, nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. On the other hand, nuclear weapons are a potent threat to world peace. Do the benefits of nuclear technology outweigh the risks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negetive development?

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, goverment showed focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?