IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events #advantage
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Social
media
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 is used every day for contact and update content and it proves to be very beneficial.
This
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 writer argues that the disadvantages of spreading false information
along with
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 cyber fraud outweigh the benefits of connecting with the world. It is vital to point out that information on most of the social
media
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 platforms is not always correct.
This
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 is because of the freedom of speech policies which most of the platforms have that allow
the
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apply
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users to upload myths, hypotheses and false statements.
As a result
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, many people are confused, divided into groups and protected from what they think is true which can adversely affect relationships and behaviours. In 2020, there were Facebook groups that encouraged citizens to consume certain components to be immuted to COVID-19, those words made the situation worsen and it is believed to killed a dozen families in Vietnam. Another point worth considering is that all kinds of people can access the Internet even criminals. Being popular with the youth, social
media
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 websites are hot spots for people with both good and bad intentions to create a community dedicated to a certain topic.
However
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, there are some web pages that surpass the given limit and start to discuss and plan illegal events. A famous community focused on pets on Facebook is criticised for collaborating with pet robbers to make the owners pay for their pets’ freedom.
Thus
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 online social websites are not safe for anyone. The majority tend to ignore the drawbacks and think that keeping in touch and updating news via social networks can compensate.
However
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, the truth might be different, the governments can manipulate news and data in their region, making it difficult to acknowledge historical events.
Furthermore
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, criminals can fake their identity and trick for money. In conclusion, despite offering various methods of communicating with the whole world, the advantage of social
media
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 is outweighed by illegal action and scattered untruth statements. Henceforth, it is recommended to stay safe
while
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 surfing on social platforms.
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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your essay comprehensively responds to all aspects of the prompt. In this text, while you have illustrated disadvantages, balancing the discussion with more elaboration on the advantages would create a more complete response. Develop clear, detailed arguments on both sides to improve clarity and depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your Coherence and Cohesion by making logical connections more explicit between your ideas. Use a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, organizing your paragraphs in a manner that clearly distinguishes between the advantages and disadvantages could enhance readability and flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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