The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The diagram provided illustrates the process of
sugar
production. 
Overall
, there are a total of 7 steps in the progress, commencing with growing
sugar
canes, and ending with drying and cooling. As the flow chart suggests, the procedure initiates with growing
sugar
cane on farms, which takes 12-18 months to mature.
Subsequently
,
sugar
cane is harvested by both farmers and reaping machines. In the next stage, the harvested
sugar
cane is crushed by machines automatically and made into juice. The fourth step of the process is purifying juice with limestone filters. Afterwards, the extracted juice is heated by an evaporator and turned into syrup. During
this
step, the vaporization of water creates the syrup, which is
then
poured into a centrifuge machine where it separates
sugar
crystals from the syrup.
Finally
, the process finishes by leaving the
sugar
to cool down and dry to make the final product - which is
sugar
.
Submitted by qwertyuiop9420 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: