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Band 6

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meet can cause health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#diet #health
first of all ,
food
 is the most important
source
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 many
deseas
Correct your spelling
diseases
. Many scientists hold the view that eating animal
products
such
 as dairy
products
 , meat , and egg
couse
Correct your spelling
cause
 many health problems so they suggest
to reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
product
 or
substituted
Wrong verb form
substituting
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
them by
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 plant sources . I believe that eating animal
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 is
an
Change the article
apply
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important for many
people
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have hard physical work . on the one hand , despite disagreeing that animal
product
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public health ,some advocates that animal is the wrong
source
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
food
 .
In other words
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
connected
Add a missing verb
are connected
show examples
 with
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
consume
Change the verb form
consuming
show examples
 animal
food
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 animal fat .
For instance
 , Obesity
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
gradualy
Correct your spelling
gradually
 with increasing consumption of animal fat
thid
Correct your spelling
this
due to
 cholesterol components which accumulate in
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 and causes many health issues .
thus
 , what can be said is that not
onely
Correct your spelling
only
meat
Add a missing verb
do meat
show examples
products
couse
Correct your spelling
cause
 some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 high
prdice
Correct your spelling
price
.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, opponents
and
Correct word choice
apply
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are convinced that
food
 which depends on animal resources is vital for many
people
 . To illustrate , children need
Add the particle
to
show examples
have a balanced diet for building their
boody
Correct your spelling
body
 so many
people
 have to buy animal
products
 for their children and dairy
product
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 essential amino
acids
 and these
acids
 build boody kids. For example , egg protein
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
completely
Change the adverb
complete
show examples
 protein because it has all the essential amino
acids
 so if a family membrane change that to a plant
source
 , they have to use more than two sources to achieve all the amino
acids
.
Hence
 , animal
food
 is really important for many
people
 and it has many advantages for children . In conclusion , kinds of
food
 are vital for humans and one
source
 of
food
 causes some diseases.I believe that combination of animal and plant
food
 is important for achieving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balance in on diet .
Submitted by abdellatife199 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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