IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In recent years, there has been a rise in the popularity of second-hand clothing amongst younger generations. Why is this happening? Do you think it's a positive or negative development?

#years #rise #popularity #generations #development
Nowadays,
used
Add an article
the used
show examples
textile
 market has grown up rapidly since environmental activists have begun to claim in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of animals and plants in order to protect planet
earth's
Correct your spelling
Earth's
show examples
 ecosystem. The present essay describes the reasons behind
this
inititive
Correct your spelling
initiative
 and how the indicated measure impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society.
This
 development is impulsed
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the youngest generations to respond to their view of taking care
planet
Change preposition
of planet
show examples
earth
Correct your spelling
Earth
show examples
 and its
echosystem
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
echo system
. As is well known, most of the
textile
 raw material comes
fom
Correct your spelling
from
 plants and animals,
hence
 the
yongest
Correct your spelling
youngest
longest
 ones think that
this
 is a way to stop deforestation and animal hunting.
Furthermore
,
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
 cloth is cheaper and they do not really care about fashion.
Moreover
,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 less money to get dressed
realeses
Correct your spelling
releases
 more budget to purchase other goods and services. In my opinion,
this
 is a
possitive initiatve
Correct your spelling
positive initiative
 because it helps somehow to make the
textile
 industry
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 sustainable and friendly environment business.
On the other hand
, it is important to take into account that the larger the
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
 market becomes the smaller the
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
 cloth turns in. As a
consecuence
Correct your spelling
consequence
,
sells
Correct your spelling
sales
show examples
 go down and so do jobs,
thus
 affecting a lot of people that
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 within
this
 business.
To sum up
, the previously mentioned initiative promoted by the youngest people of the society is a noble cause in terms of taking care of
Correct article usage
the planet
show examples
planet
Change noun form
planet's
show examples
 resources,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 plants and animals.
However
, we must see both sides of the coin, in terms of those who probably lose their jobs if
this
 development
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
Add a missing verb
is enought
show examples
enought
Correct your spelling
enough
 to impact negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
textile
 market.
Submitted by jasellhorn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: