People should look after their health as a duty for a society, rather than for personal benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society

With the development of science and technology comes better

health

care for human

society

. It is opening up a possibility for everyone to have a better life. There is

also

some opinion that

people

should look after their

health

as a duty for

society

, rather than for their own benefit. But I think

Remove the comma

apply

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I can hardly agree with

this

view because of some reasons. Today,

although

in many countries, residents are given supply better

health

protection with better medical facilities and measurements, in many poor and developing countries, the number of

people

who can hardly access sufficient living standards

Verb problem

apply

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still

remaining

Wrong verb form

remains

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at a high rate. So

instead

of thinking that self-care is a duty for

society

, we need to change our thought that

society

needs to take responsibility for humans'

health

For example

, international organizations like WHO or UNICEF have provided many supplies for governments to improve their basic medical facilities and instruments for their whole countries.

In addition

, having good

health

provides

people

with a sustainable background to do everything they want like sports, entertainment and work. It is possible for us to gain a lot of experience and expertise in our specific occupation with strong and unavoidable

health

Furthermore

, having good physical and mental conditions makes

people

enjoy their lives without anxiety and depression.

For instance

, many patients hope to come through illness fast in order to come back to

interesting

Correct article usage

an interesting

show examples

and convenient daily life.

This

is why

people

should take care of themselves for their personal benefit, rather than see it as a responsibility. In a nutshell, Self-care is very important when you are living in a community but you should not suppose it is a duty of

society

. It should be seen as a motivation for you to have a lovely life.

Submitted by hihihahahoho on Mon Apr 24 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the logical structure of the essay follows a clear and cohesive progression of ideas.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

duty
well-being
burden
healthcare systems
productive
economy
example
empower
informed choices

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A friend of yours is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer. He has asked for your advice

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