IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that public sports facilities improve people's health problems. Others argue that this development has insignificant effects on public health. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #facilities #health #development #effects
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Some people commented that the best way to enhance folk medical problems is from soaring game infrastructures.
However
, others believe that
this
 advancement would lead to an insignificant impact on individuals' health. Personally, I advocate the second view opposing the first since industrialized food and tightened work schedules are behind
this
.
Although
, these furnishings could contribute significantly to boosting their lifestyle.
This
 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, industrialized meals are responsible for crowd medical issues.
In other words
, these days people consume factory-based meals like hot dogs, and sandwiches, which are not healthy diets, it leads to a plethora of clinical diseases
such
 as obesity and heart attack. Let us take sugar as an example, the World Health Organization recommends only a teacup spoon daily, that said, 90% of Women and Men eat three times more than the quantity endorsed.
As a result
, a myriad of them
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 high cholesterol leading to illnesses. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, sports infrastructures shrink people's work stress. Because of
high demanded
Correct your spelling
high-demand
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 jobs, individuals need public facilities to warm and exercise to relax. 60% of full-time employees were found
out
Rephrase
to be
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relaxed after spending a day per week in gyms,
according to
 the University Zambeze overhaul carried out
last
 year
for instance
.
Hence
, workers were more encompassed in their employment and soared in profits.
Furthermore
, it is seen as the overriding reason for reduced hospitalization for supporters of the idea. In conclusion, notwithstanding some benefits coming from sports settlement, it does not play a relevant role in folk lifestyle because lately what they are eating does.
Therefore
, I still believe that the quality of individuals' food defines their medical condition. I recommend ruling power economize financial resources that should be used to construct these facilities to allocate to other social projects.
Submitted by nsaini2911 on

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task response
Your response lacks fully developed ideas and detailed examples to support your points. Make sure to provide clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples to strengthen your arguments and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure and introduction and conclusion present in your essay. However, the supported main points could be further developed with clearer detailed examples to enhance coherence and cohesion.
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