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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people are of the opinion that children should be awarded for good behavior: others think they should be punished for bad behavior discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In Britain,
when
Rephrase
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 are being taken care of in nursing homes where many nurses and caregivers are serving them. It is difficult to decide whether all those running costs are being incurred by the
government
Use synonyms
 or the family. It depends on the country’s political policy. Everyone must pay taxes for a living. The
government
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 must decide how to allocate their tax into respective transactions. So that when
people
Use synonyms
 retire, they can have their own entitlement when they are not able to make money.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 with
families
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 deserve to be cared for by family regardless of financial obligation. The family should be supported in old age
Change preposition
by
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the means of mental obligation. Old
people
Use synonyms
 Sometimes may think that they become useless unless their family supports them. From my point of view, it is good that the
government
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 has a strategy to provide a
live
Replace the word
life
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 plan to secure their
people
Use synonyms
 till the end of their
time
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. Not just because of political policy, it is because of giving them back what they deserve to be. Old
People
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 at a young age, had been working for
families
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 and their countries by dedicating their
time
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 and efforts.
To conclude
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
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I agree with the
government
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 paying the elder generations’ living costs just because they should accept in return what they invested in. Old generations need to be treated by
families
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 in terms of mental and financial support. Rather than send them to be nursing home, they should spend their
time
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 with family by seeing their grandkids growing up. I suppose it would be great if old ages should spend the rest of their
time
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 utilizing
government
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 subsidies
while
Linking Words
 enjoying their life surrounded by their
families
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • positive reinforcement
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • punishments
  • negative actions
  • consequences
  • fear
  • resentment
  • balanced approach
  • accountability
  • minor infractions
  • positive conduct
  • deter
  • understanding of right and wrong
  • excessively
  • learning environment
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