IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Nowadays
parents
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 are more concerned about the health of their
children
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.Some individuals believe that they must be taught about eating habits at school
while
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 others think it's the responsibility of the
parents
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.In
this
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 ,essay I will highlight both views and I strongly believe that eating habits should be started at
home
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.
To begin
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 with,schools encourage pupils to eat nutritious
food
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 by showing the various lectures and pictures which contain a healthy
diet
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.
Children
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 at school, learn faster by seeing their peers and by sharing with each other it exposes them to a variety of
food
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 items.
For example
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,it has been reported that
children
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 who do not eat at
home
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 eat well at school
due to
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 the fact that they sometimes like the
food
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 of their friends and they have a variety to choose from which they don't find at
home
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.,
Moreover
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 schools teach them to be disciplined and they are less distracted by the gadgets that they use at their houses.
As a result
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 of
this
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 individuals tend to be more interested in eating rather than looking at gadgets
while
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 they eat.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 are the first
guardian
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guardians
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 of their
children
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.
Children
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 learn all habits from their
parents
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 by observing them.If they are trained properly at
home
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 it will be easy for the
child
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 when he goes out to look after himself for a healthy
diet
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.When a
child
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 is young
parents
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 should introduce him to healthy fruits and vegetables
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cook delicious
food
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 and feed them.But because of the busy ,worklifeworklife some
parents
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 just tend to buy junk
food
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 and feed them.
This
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 is one of the biggest disadvantages.
In addition
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 ,there are many pros to teaching pupils about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet
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 at
home
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.To illustrate,at a young ,age
parents
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 teach their
children
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 which
food
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 contains more protein and which
food
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 helps them grow.The most common item to be liked by every parent is the egg which they want to introduce into their
child
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's
diet
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 since it contains a high amount of protein.If a
child
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 is
falling
Verb problem
feeling
show examples
 less sick and looks to be healthy it reflects his brought up and the healthy
diet
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 that his
parents
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 have taught him.
To conclude
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.
although
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 schools expose
children
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 to a variety of
food
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but
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apply
show examples
training to eat in the right way and eat healthily can be taught by
parents
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 because a
child
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 tends to be more attentive towards his
parents
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 than to others.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction could be made clearer by rephrasing the question and providing a brief overview of your main points before proceeding. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that paragraphs are developed with more depth and specific evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture to the reader.
language features
Some sentences contain minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, which can distract the reader. Focus on proofreading your essay to improve fluency and clarity.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument, showing good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your concluding statement reflects a personal opinion and succinctly sums up your argument, which is a strength in essay writing.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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