IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbishment. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbishment. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.
#visitors #ashdown #museum #year #refurbishment #show #surveys #visit #two #period
The table illustrates the proportion of
visitors
 to Ashdown Museum during the
year
 before and the
year
 after it was developed.
On the other hand
, the charts represent the
satisfaction
 of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 during the same period.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the number of
visitors
 had increased after the
refurbishment
 and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped before
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 during the
year
.
However
, the
percentage
 of
dissatisfaction
 was at the highest position
as well as
 no
response
 was at the least in the
year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
before
refurbishment
while
 the figure for
satisfaction
 was higher than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
no
response
 and very
dissatisfaction
Replace the word
dissatisfied
show examples
during the
year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
after
refurbishment
. In terms of the table, there was an increase during the
year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
after
refurbishment
 at 92,000
visitors
. The proportion of
visitors
 before
refurbishment
 was up to 74,000
visitors
 during the period. In the stage of charts, the
percentage
 of
dissatisfaction
 and
satisfaction
 had to 40% and 30% respectively before the
year
 of
refurbishment
.
Moreover
, the figure for no
response
 had
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lowest
percentage
 at 5%. The proportion of very
satisfaction
 and
dissatisfaction
 were almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 between 15% and 10% respectively.
On the other hand
, after
refurbishment
Add a comma
,refurbishment
show examples
 the
satisfaction
 of
visitors
 rose to 40%
whereas
 very
dissatisfaction
 had to 35%.
Furthermore
, the result of surveys of visitor
dissatisfaction
 reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
15% and the
percentage
 of no
response
 and very
dissatisfaction
 remained unchanged at 5%.
Submitted by opshorajhumpa2001 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, year, satisfaction, refurbishment, percentage, dissatisfaction, response with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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