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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries woman no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require financial security that marriage can bring. To what extend do you agree?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In many parts of the world, marriage is no longer something
women
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 consider essential.
This
Linking Words
 is often attributed to their ability to support themselves financially, meaning they no longer depend on a husband for security. I agree that fewer
women
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 are choosing to marry, but I believe loneliness and the difficulty of finding a suitable
partner
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 are the stronger reasons.
Body paragraph 1
Loneliness has become far more common in recent years, and I believe social media is a major cause. It raises expectations of what a
partner
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 should be,
while
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also
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 damaging people's self-esteem, so they become dissatisfied with what they have or with themselves. People only see a small part of someone's life online, and those who appear happiest may be just as lonely behind the camera. Over
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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this
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 can contribute to depression, particularly for those who do not seek professional help.
Body paragraph 2
Women
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 hold far more jobs today than in the 1950s, when they had few opportunities outside the home and were expected to raise children and manage the household.
Women
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 nowadays are able to earn their own money
so
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, so
show examples
 they no longer need a husband for financial security.
However
Linking Words
, financial independence alone does not explain the change, since many
women
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 who earn well still want a
partner
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 and simply cannot find one.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I partly agree that financial independence has reduced the need to marry, but I believe it is not the main cause. Rising loneliness and the difficulty of finding a suitable
partner
Use synonyms
 explain the change far better.

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task response
Make your main view more direct. You say you agree that money matters, but you also say it is not the main cause. State clearly how far you agree at the start and keep this view through the essay.
task response
Give more support for the two main reasons. The point about social media and loneliness is interesting, but it does not fully show why women choose not to marry. Explain this link more clearly.
task response
Use one clear real-life example. For example, write about a woman with a good job who can pay for her home and daily needs, so she can wait for the right partner rather than marry for money.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. To make the order stronger, put financial freedom first because it is the idea in the question, then discuss other causes.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part on one main idea. In the first body part, the ideas move from social media to self-worth, online life, loneliness, and depression. This is too wide. Focus on how high hopes make it harder to find a partner.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the path of your ideas: 'First', 'As a result', 'However', and 'For this reason'. This will help the reader follow your view.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear overall view: money has an effect, but it is not the only cause.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well. Both show that you partly agree and then name other reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Your body parts are easy to see, and the second body part stays close to the question about women earning their own money.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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