IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Nowadays, the ratio of diseases triggered by manufactured
foods
 has been increasing around the world.
However
, many
people
 still prefer to eat them as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 staple
due to
 the inexpensive
price
. I strongly agree with the opinion that processed
foods
 should be made more expensive than now. First of all, as most of us know, sugary
products
 contain various sugars. Taking varied sweet things can cause body problems
such
 as cavities, obesity and diabetes. They are serious illnesses and if they get worse, they can lead to irrevocable problems. So if the
price
 of sweet
foods
 keeps the
price
 continuously, many
people
 will continue to eat them and these situations will lead to causing sickness.
After
this
, nobody can control and change states.
On the other hand
, if the
price
 of processed
products
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
,
people
 who do not have enough money to buy expensive things easily will choose to make their meals at home rather than buy sugar
products
. It can result that many companies and factories that make manufactured
products
 are going to operate fewer amounts of them.
Also
 in turn, as fewer
products
 are generated,
people
 who can afford sugar-packed
foods
 to purchase them can not simply find them from the neck of the woods or online markets.
Thus
 it can reduce the percentage of buying them. In conclusion, the rising
price
 of sugary food encourages
people
 to avoid spending money buying
products
 which are high-sugar. These are the reasons why I agree to increase the money spent on manufactured
products
 for health.
Submitted by toybox29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: