IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Countries should produce the food that their population eats and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons, examples to you answers

#countries #food #population #import #answers
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While
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 some people believe that the farming and manufacturing sectors demand high physical
labor
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labour
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 and time, they argue that increasing the proportion of
food
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 imports is more reasonable. I think that we should not rely on other
countries
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 for
food
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 markets, as
this
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 field is critical to residents’ lives.
Countries
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 must be independent from others to ensure safety.
To begin
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 with,
it is clear that
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 imported foods are often less fresh and may even be below edible conditions.
This
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 is
due to
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 not only
traveling
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travelling
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 long distances but
also
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 the processing required to meet export conditions, which includes freezing and disinfection.
For example
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, meat exported mostly from Australia must be frozen before being sent to other
countries
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.
Moreover
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, Australia is somewhat of an island, which means it is imported by shipment and takes at least around 6 hours to cross the ocean.
This
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 may impact the quality of the products.
Additionally
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, agriculture and
food
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 manufacturing are long-term projects. Once
countries
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 start depending on others in certain fields, they tend to ignore or reduce their foundation in these industries.
However
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,
this
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 can sometimes lead to serious situations, allowing exporting
countries
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 to gain priority.
Consequently
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, these
countries
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 may pressure importing
countries
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 to accept other industries to extend their
food
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-related relationships. In conclusion, even though the regulations regarding
food
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 imports are controversial, I personally believe that
food
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 imports must be reduced. Once
countries
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 rely on others for
food
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, which is crucial to citizens’ lives, it will be complicated to overcome these dependencies.
Furthermore
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, in the end, they might
also
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 rely on other fields to continue importing
food
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.
Submitted by yhj000801 on

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cohesion
Try to expand on the introduction by providing a bit more context for the reader to clearly understand the background of the essay topic.
cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion restates the main points of the essay succinctly, reinforcing the main argument.
task
Consider elaborating on why relying on other countries for food might lead to broader socio-economic issues, to enhance the task response.
cohesion
The essay clearly outlines the writer's stance on food imports and provides logical arguments to support it.
task
The use of specific examples, such as the import of meat from Australia, helps to illustrate the points effectively.
cohesion
The essay provides a coherent structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, aiding the reader’s understanding of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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