It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often suggested that technological advances will affect the loss of cultural traditions

Punctuation problem

, so

show examples

they can not be put together. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement for a variety of reasons. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will illustrate two sides of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, in the context of Ha

Giang

Use synonyms

tourism,

Rephrase

also

show examples

known as the northern province of Vietnam. I partly agree that traditional cultures will be dispensable in the era of

technology

Use synonyms

. One of the main reasons can be that it will relate to enhancing several technical jobs, which will gradually replace traditional activities.

This

Linking Words

means that there are fewer generations that continue to maintain traditional crafts. Another reason can be that

technology

Use synonyms

is powerful to increase economic growth and make

people

Use synonyms

chase modern life.

For example

Linking Words

, in Ha

Giang

Use synonyms

province, local

ethnics

Fix the agreement mistake

ethnic

show examples

Check wording

groups in

show examples

Thien Huong ancient village are famous for making the local corn wine, but its location is far

with

Rephrase

away with

show examples

rocky roads leading to it

Punctuation problem

, so

show examples

they can not maintain

this

Linking Words

beautiful tradition.

As a result

Linking Words

, these

people

Use synonyms

move to the downtown and operate the homestays via Booking.com and other online booking apps to

enlarge

Verb problem

increase their

show examples

incomes from foreign tourists.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I disagree with the viewpoint that heritage beauty will

be disappeared

Wrong verb form

disappear

show examples

during the development of

technology

Use synonyms

industries.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the national heritage can be expanded by using technical tools

as well as

Linking Words

digital channels.

This

Linking Words

is because

this

Linking Words

equipment can be the best approach to

billion

Fix the agreement mistake

billions

show examples

Use synonyms

people

Change preposition

of people

show examples

through online marketing.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the long-established activities are shaped by the characteristics and the manners of each

civilization

Use the right word

civilisation

show examples

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

therefore

Linking Words

, they can not be passed off easily.

For instance

Linking Words

, Ha

Giang

Use synonyms

province is well known for its diverse ethnical community,

such

Linking Words

as Dzao, H’mong or Tay

people

Use synonyms

, and

Change preposition

with

show examples

the growth of social media, users

become

Verb problem

find it

show examples

easier to

approach

Verb problem

access

show examples

review videos about their life, and their culture

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

, as

show examples

well as various ethnic festivals. In the end, the rate of both inbound and outbound visitors

come

Correct subject-verb agreement

comes

show examples

to Ha

Giang

Use synonyms

to travel and explore these cultural beauties. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

argued that

technology

Use synonyms

and cultural tradition can not combine

together

Rephrase

apply

show examples

, I’m convinced that we are totally applying the power of technical methods to promote the beauty of national cultures.

yeshomeclass

Apr 27, 2023

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Task Achievement

Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and includes a clear thesis statement.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your paragraphs clearly, beginning each with a strong topic sentence.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use more linking words to connect your ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

Task Achievement

Your use of examples, such as Ha Giang province, effectively supports your main points.

Task Achievement

You present both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on the topic.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

374 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

inevitable
advancement
globalization
dilutes
traditional cultures
social media
blending of cultures
preservation
platforms
adaptability
technological adaptations
uphold
consequence
integrate
cultural frameworks

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