IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries are declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem?

#countries #people #visit #art #galleries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is
source
Add an article
the source
a source
show examples
 of income for many countries. Recently, many nations rely on
tourism
Use synonyms
 as
Correct article usage
the
show examples
main
Use synonyms
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 income source.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
tourism
Use synonyms
 result in many
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
 there is many drawbacks
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 serious to take
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration. On one side, One of the key and foremost advantages of
tourism
Use synonyms
 is increasing the
Use synonyms
nation
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 income .
For instance
Linking Words
, many countries like
turkey
Correct your spelling
Turkey
show examples
 rely more than 40% of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
nation
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 economy on
tourism
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 all around come to Istanbul to enjoy the view and nature.
Moreover
Linking Words
, food and sweets are popular in Istanbul that have huge
varies
Replace the word
variety
show examples
 of options
Correct pronoun usage
that matchs
show examples
matchs
Correct your spelling
match
 different
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 creates many jobs for local
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many teenagers work
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 summer vacation to help aid their family in
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 which
Linking Words
last
Change the verb form
lasts
show examples
 for
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Tourism
Use synonyms
 wide the vision and horizon for local
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, many local
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
show examples
 learn new languages , cultures , and cosmetics ,
Linking Words
Also
Correct word choice
and Also
show examples
Add an article
a
show examples
connection with
Add an article
an individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 across the world. Despite the advantages mentioned early, One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
critical
Add an article
the critical
a critical
show examples
 drawback of
tourism
Use synonyms
 is that it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 security of countries
due to
Linking Words
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of tourist in an area many crime may take place if security is not managed in
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 way. Another serious concern,
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 may come to the country and stay in an authorized stay
result
Replace the word
resulting
show examples
 in increasing the number of homeless in cities. On balance,
although
Linking Words
 it might
seen
Change the verb form
be seen
see
show examples
 that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 many cons
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the pros of
tourism
Use synonyms
 outrace the cons special
in
Change preposition
since
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 has
ultimate
Correct article usage
an ultimate
show examples
 plan to manage the number
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
Submitted by mabuzayedfamily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital era
  • online galleries
  • allure
  • economic factors
  • cultural pursuits
  • societal interests
  • innovative
  • engaging exhibitions
  • virtual reality (VR) experiences
  • accessible
  • contemporary
  • promote
  • art education
  • awareness
  • foster
  • appreciation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: