IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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People have different views about the aim of
education
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, some opine that it provides useful
individuals
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 to the community,
while
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 others
other
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apply
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believe it should be geared towards helping students to accomplish their goals.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and will argue in favour of the latter view. On one hand, those who argue that the motive of
education
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 is to prepare mankind to provide beneficial members of the community opine that
education
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 should focus on developing
skills
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 and knowledge for success in the workforce. These include
skills
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such
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 as problem-solving, communication, and science to become productive members of society, contributing to the economy and the greater good.
For example
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, In America, almost 80 per cent of companies are looking for employees who master the
skills
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 mentioned above.
Furthermore
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, proponents of
this
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 view
also
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 argue that
education
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 should help
individuals
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to
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apply
show examples
develop their sense of social responsibility and civic duty, encouraging them to be active and engaged citizens.
On the other hand
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, there are others who contend that learning should be personalized to suit
individuals
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' needs and aspirations.
Moreover
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, literacy should enable children to pursue their interests, talents and passions, thereby fostering
the
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apply
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skills
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such
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 as creativity,innovation and entrepreneurship.
For instance
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, a recent study in Iran indicates that the performance of a person who has studied in his favourite field is 40 per cent higher than others. In Conclusion, in my opinion, learning that enables them to pursue their interest and aspirations will help
individuals
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to
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apply
show examples
reach their full potential, which will empower them to make a meaningful contribution to their communities.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion with a clear overall structure. Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively and presented clear, comprehensive ideas. Adding more relevant and specific examples will further strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vocational training
  • professional education
  • workforce
  • informed citizens
  • critical thinking
  • civic activities
  • personal talents
  • nurture
  • innovation
  • specialize
  • personal satisfaction
  • self-awareness
  • fulfilled lives
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