Some people believe these days teenagers are spending their leisure time at shopping centers instead of doing organized activities as sports or music . Do you think it has a negative or positive development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To begin
with, some may argue that teenagers are most likely to spend their free
time
at shopping malls
instead
of participating in group activities like sports or music.
According to
my point of view, I believe that
this
is a negative development as they are at a transition period of their lives where they can do plenty of other useful things. First and foremost, during
this
period, they go through various physical and mental changes. So , it is beneficial for them to get themselves engaged in organized games like swimming, athletics and etc.
This
will help their brain and body development
as well as
the growth of their personalities.
For example
, activities like beach cleaning or planting trees would help them to educate themselves outside books as well.
Furthermore
,
time
is the most limited yet valuable resource in the world.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there's nothing wrong
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
shopping, I think that teens can get the maximum use out of
this
period of their lives by consuming it wisely.
For instance
, there are enough free courses available online where anyone can learn easily despite their age.
Moreover
, some young people tend to waste the money of their parents on unnecessary items as they get caught easily for marketing and advertising tricks of famous icons and celebrities. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
young people may find malls as a place for relaxation, I believe that there are hundreds of other ways to get the same feeling in a more productive manner.
To conclude
, I believe that teens spending most of their free
time
at malls is a negative development
due to
various reasons. Since they are at a transition
time
,
instead
of wasting the
time
and money of their parents, they can improve themselves by getting involved in more aesthetic team activities and sports.
Submitted by vishvaisuranga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: