IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some think that government should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#think #government #support #people #care
An array of people believe that retired people shall be supported by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and not left to their own
meager
Change the spelling
meagre
show examples
 resources.
While
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that they should take care of themselves. Meanwhile, in
forthcoming
Correct article usage
the forthcoming
show examples
paragraph
Add a comma
,paragraph
show examples
 both view and opinion will be
ellaborated
Correct your spelling
elaborated
. The foremost reason many support
government backed
Add a hyphen
government-backed
show examples
 retirement
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
 is the dire condition of senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
. There are numerous
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 deserving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention. Some elder people are without shelter and
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 on
Correct article usage
a foothpath
show examples
foothpath
Correct your spelling
footpath
footpaths
, some may be war
veterants
Correct your spelling
veterans
 and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 trouble
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finding jobs
due to
 their physical and psychological
inpairments
Correct your spelling
impairments
impairment
,
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 still may be victims of economic downturns. Without support they must get
mercy
Correct article usage
the mercy
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
 and wind up in soup kitchens and seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chronic charity or even begging. Simply put, authority is their
last
 refuge and
Correct article usage
a favorable
show examples
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 position to lend a helping hand. Despite the rare instances mentioned above,
nationis
Correct your spelling
nations
 ought to encourage ownership of one's future. If all
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 knew that
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 would provide them
better
Change preposition
with better
show examples
 superannuation
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for them , they would have little incentive to work hard, save money, and put wise investments. Regulation compact with
gigantic
Correct article usage
a gigantic
show examples
 sample size and, granted
this
 would not happen with responsible adults, but
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 it
posses
Correct your spelling
poses
show examples
 a sizeable national risk. An
analouges
Correct your spelling
analogous
 example ,
how
Add a missing verb
is how
show examples
 parents raise their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
, and provide them early on, much like authority offers free schooling , but
then
 children are expected to take
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 on their own. Parents who coddle their babies too much end up spoiling them like that only
national
Correct article usage
a national
show examples
 retirement plan would deprive
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 of the opportunity to become
self reliant
Add a hyphen
self-reliant
show examples
. Regarding opinion,
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
show examples
 of
self assured
Add a hyphen
self-assured
show examples
, mature citizenry
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the odd unavoidable case of desperation. There should be a degree of balance to allow for these exceptions
while
 still nurturing more
life affirming
Add a hyphen
life-affirming
show examples
.
Submitted by samruddhinibandhe0 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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