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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #function #music
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Many believe that
music
Use synonyms
 serves primarily as a means of
relaxation
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others think it is more than that. I am in agreement with the former as there are other purposes for
music
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 but they can all be roughly defined as ways of relaxing. Those who feel
music
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 is more than just
relaxation
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 point out its other stated uses.
For example
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, many people listen to
music
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 in more active settings,
such
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 as in
night clubs
Correct your spelling
nightclubs
show examples
, and dance along. In difficult emotional periods, including after a bad breakup or the loss of a loved one, some individuals turn to
music
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 to cope or lift up their spirits. There are
also
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 those who view
music
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 as an art form no different from literature, painting, and poetry. For them,
music
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 serves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
myriad purposes of artistic appreciation that include offering insights into life and the artistic expression of others.
Nonetheless
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, the reasons detailed above can all be generally categorised as forms of
relaxation
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 and the most common purpose of
music
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 is unadorned enjoyment. People relax in different ways and that can include dancing, connecting with
music
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 emotionally or enjoying art. The majority of people,
however
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, simply listen to
music
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 throughout the day as a way of escaping from the pressures and demands of work and family. Studies have shown that listening to
music
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 regularly can reduce blood pressure and ease the burdens that modern life places on mental health.
This
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 is the reason why workers, students, and parents gravitate towards
music
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,
in addition
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 to other kinds of light entertainment,
at the end
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 of a long day and explains the enduring success of the industry. In conclusion,
music
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 is mainly for
relaxation
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, though
this
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 takes on different variations depending on the person in question.
This
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 desire to relax is part of a shared humanity that unites all
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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