IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #function #music
Many believe that
music
 serves primarily as a means of
relaxation
while
 others think it is more than that. I am in agreement with the former as there are other purposes for
music
 but they can all be roughly defined as ways of relaxing. Those who feel
music
 is more than just
relaxation
 point out its other stated uses.
For example
, many people listen to
music
 in more active settings,
such
 as in
night clubs
Correct your spelling
nightclubs
show examples
, and dance along. In difficult emotional periods, including after a bad breakup or the loss of a loved one, some individuals turn to
music
 to cope or lift up their spirits. There are
also
 those who view
music
 as an art form no different from literature, painting, and poetry. For them,
music
 serves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
myriad purposes of artistic appreciation that include offering insights into life and the artistic expression of others.
Nonetheless
, the reasons detailed above can all be generally categorised as forms of
relaxation
 and the most common purpose of
music
 is unadorned enjoyment. People relax in different ways and that can include dancing, connecting with
music
 emotionally or enjoying art. The majority of people,
however
, simply listen to
music
 throughout the day as a way of escaping from the pressures and demands of work and family. Studies have shown that listening to
music
 regularly can reduce blood pressure and ease the burdens that modern life places on mental health.
This
 is the reason why workers, students, and parents gravitate towards
music
,
in addition
 to other kinds of light entertainment,
at the end
 of a long day and explains the enduring success of the industry. In conclusion,
music
 is mainly for
relaxation
, though
this
 takes on different variations depending on the person in question.
This
 desire to relax is part of a shared humanity that unites all
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: