IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some today argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #internet
In the decades, with the growth of technology, which can help children search for many things on the Internet, some people discuss that Students do not go to
school
. In my perspective,
this
 view is erroneous as the risk of absorbing unchecked
information
 can adversely impact their
knowledge
. On the one hand, because of the remarkable progress of technology, today's people can easily access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sources of
information
 to broaden their
knowledge
. Young learners can search for a range of
information
 to stay up-to-date with the
lates
Correct your spelling
latest
 news
as well as
 expand their understanding of various fields
such
 as technology, science, and tourism.
this
also
 saves them a great deal of time and money as they do not pay for tuition and spend time commuting from home to
school
.
therefore
, people believe that Students should learn at home to promote academic performance,
instead
 of going to
school
 or educational institutions. Despite, the
information
 available on the internet, I believe that most children are innocent and immature to distinguish between right and wrong
information
 conveyed in the world. From there, they may obtain unchecked
information
 that can adversely impact their
knowledge
.
Besides
,
while
 Studying at
school
 the young can access accurate
information
 and interact with their peers and teachers which can help them sharpen communication and other social skills.
Consequently
, we should create ideal opportunities for them to learn in the actual classes. In conclusion,
Although
 the Internet can help Students enhance their
knowledge
, I firmly believe that children should be allowed to attend actual classes as they can enhance interpersonal skills.
instead
 of learning at home.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganh64195123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: