IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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The given diagram illustrates the process by which
sugar
Use synonyms
 is produced. There are seven steps in the process, from growing
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 to drying and cooling
sugar
Use synonyms
 in the container.
The first step is
Linking Words
 that
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 is grown in an especial period of time about 12 to 18 months. The next stage is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it's picked either by the farmer or by an automatic vehicle. After that,
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 is crushed because of high pressure from a mechanical machine which produced
juice
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
. In the fourth stage,
Use synonyms
juice
Add an article
the juice
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 is purified by a limestone filter, which means that
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 became a liquid
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 part. The fifth step is evaporation, in
this
Linking Words
 process, the
juice
Use synonyms
 is heated in a container.
then
Linking Words
, after a
while
Linking Words
juice
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 became syrup.
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point,
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals are separated from the syrup by turning the ventilator which name is the centrifuge and
finally
Linking Words
, put into the calendar until the hole of them became dry and cooling.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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