The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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The given diagram illustrates the process by which
sugar
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is produced. There are seven steps in the process, from growing
sugar
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cane
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to drying and cooling
sugar
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in the container.
The first step is
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that
sugar
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cane
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is grown in an especial period of time about 12 to 18 months. The next stage is that
,
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it's picked either by the farmer or by an automatic vehicle. After that,
sugar
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cane
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is crushed because of high pressure from a mechanical machine which produced
juice
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from
sugar
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cane
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. In the fourth stage,
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juice
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the juice
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is purified by a limestone filter, which means that
sugar
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cane
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became a liquid
after
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this
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part. The fifth step is evaporation, in
this
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process, the
juice
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is heated in a container.
then
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, after a
while
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juice
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became syrup.
after
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this
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point,
sugar
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crystals are separated from the syrup by turning the ventilator which name is the centrifuge and
finally
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, put into the calendar until the hole of them became dry and cooling.
Submitted by mehrdad.salahi2003 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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