The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The given diagram illustrates the process by which
sugar
is produced. There are seven steps in the process, from growing
sugar
cane
to drying and cooling
sugar
in the container.
The first step is
that
sugar
cane
is grown in an especial period of time about 12 to 18 months. The next stage is that
,
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it's picked either by the farmer or by an automatic vehicle. After that,
sugar
cane
is crushed because of high pressure from a mechanical machine which produced
juice
from
sugar
cane
. In the fourth stage,
juice
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the juice
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is purified by a limestone filter, which means that
sugar
cane
became a liquid
after
this
part. The fifth step is evaporation, in
this
process, the
juice
is heated in a container.
then
, after a
while
juice
became syrup.
after
this
point,
sugar
crystals are separated from the syrup by turning the ventilator which name is the centrifuge and
finally
, put into the calendar until the hole of them became dry and cooling.
Submitted by mehrdad.salahi2003 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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