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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As a part of their education, many students work at a company for short period of time without a salary. Are there more advantage than disadvantage to this?

#part #education #students #work #company #period #time #salary #advantage
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Many university
students
 take part in an unpaid internship for about 6 to 8 months during their studying years. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
 experience outweigh the drawbacks. These days, many
students
 graduate and face some difficulties when they look for a job because successful companies seek talented and experienced candidates.
Therefore
, participating in an internship may be very useful to attract these companies to hire you. Working for a short period of time in the field you are studying helps you gain knowledge and insights about the jobs in your industry.
Moreover
, it allows you to put what you have studied into practice
while
also
 learning and exchanging information with the other employees.
For instance
, an individual studying marketing can gain experience by helping with the campaigns, which will enhance their resume. Research indicates,
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 the UK 85% of
students
 graduate and secure a job within approximately 13 months,
as a result
 of working in their industry
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 increases their CV quality
,
Correct word choice
and, additionally
show examples
additionally
, increases their chances of employment.
However
, when taking an unpaid internship financial issues may be a problem. It is difficult for
students
 to afford food, housing, activities and others, so imagine handling all of these expenses
while
also
 working hard. They might get overwhelmed which may lead to anxiety, depression or lack of energy.
Furthermore
,
this
 pressure and psychological problems can impact their passion and performance negatively. In conclusion,
although
students
 might face obstacles
while
 working without a salary, their hard work will eventually be worth it in the future.
Consequently
, all they have to do is be patient and have some faith in succeeding because
this
 opportunity will pay off.
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task achievement
Incorporate additional specific examples to strengthen your points further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure varied sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Main points are clearly presented and supported with reasoned arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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