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At present time, the population of some contries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #contries #adults #people #situation
The issue of whether it is good to have more
people
 at a young
age
 than
people
 in old
age
 has long been controversial.
Although
 there are advantages to having more young adults in the country, I believe that the drawbacks outweighed the benefits in terms of different circumstances. On one hand,
it is clear that
 having a relatively large
number
 of young adults helps develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 as they are relatively
engergetic
Correct your spelling
energetic
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the elderly. Youngers have
a
Remove the article
apply
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better physical health and strength to deal with daily routines. They are strong enough to contribute the
society
, which
people
 in old
age
 may not be able to work
due to
 their physical condition,
such
 as suffering from knee pain and back pain results in getting hurt easily.
Therefore
, younger seems to be
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in contributing productive power to
society
. Another point to note is that the elderly are always related to health problems which imposed medical burdens on
society
. They have a relatively high risk of suffering from disease which needs to be cured by using public resources. Public funds can be made used
of
Change preposition
apply
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effective
Change the word
effectively
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 and wisely
instead
 of excessively focusing on medical if the
number
 of adolescents is larger than the elderly.
On the other hand
, having a large scale of young adults in a country has disadvantages in terms of increasing crime rate and insufficient
of
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apply
show examples
degree courses. With regard to the influence among peers, since
people
 at
young
Add an article
a young
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age
 do not have a well-developed mind, they may follow their friends to do something damaging the
society
 and to themselves by underestimating the consequences.
For instance
, if their friend
ask
Change the verb form
asks
show examples
 them to steal things in the supermarket, they may commit it just because of fun and peer
influency
Correct your spelling
influence
influences
, which in turn increases the rate of crimes.
Moreover
,
due to
 the large
number
 of youth, it is not difficult to see that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 competitiveness among degree courses, leading to some of the students do not have chances to attend university.
To conclude
, it is believed that
although
 there are advantages to having a large
number
 of youth in
society
,
however
, the disadvantages outweighed the advantages.
Submitted by noname on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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