At present time, the population of some contries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #contries #adults #people #situation

The issue of whether it is good to have more

people

at a young

age

than

people

in old

age

has long been controversial.

Although

there are advantages to having more young adults in the country, I believe that the drawbacks outweighed the benefits in terms of different circumstances. On one hand,

it is clear that

having a relatively large

number

of young adults helps develop

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

as they are relatively

engergetic

Correct your spelling

energetic

comparing

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with the elderly. Youngers have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

better physical health and strength to deal with daily routines. They are strong enough to contribute the

society

, which

people

in old

age

may not be able to work

due to

their physical condition,

such

as suffering from knee pain and back pain results in getting hurt easily.

Therefore

, younger seems to be

neccessary

Correct your spelling

necessary

in contributing productive power to

society

. Another point to note is that the elderly are always related to health problems which imposed medical burdens on

society

. They have a relatively high risk of suffering from disease which needs to be cured by using public resources. Public funds can be made used

Change preposition

apply

show examples

effective

Change the word

effectively

show examples

and wisely

instead

of excessively focusing on medical if the

number

of adolescents is larger than the elderly.

On the other hand

, having a large scale of young adults in a country has disadvantages in terms of increasing crime rate and insufficient

Change preposition

apply

show examples

degree courses. With regard to the influence among peers, since

people

young

Add an article

a young

show examples

age

do not have a well-developed mind, they may follow their friends to do something damaging the

society

and to themselves by underestimating the consequences.

For instance

, if their friend

ask

Change the verb form

asks

show examples

them to steal things in the supermarket, they may commit it just because of fun and peer

influency

Correct your spelling

influence

influences

, which in turn increases the rate of crimes.

Moreover

due to

the large

number

of youth, it is not difficult to see that there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

competitiveness among degree courses, leading to some of the students do not have chances to attend university.

To conclude

, it is believed that

although

there are advantages to having a large

number

of youth in

society

however

, the disadvantages outweighed the advantages.

Submitted by noname on Sun May 07 2023

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

359 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At present time, the population of some contries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries young people are encourages to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. So, sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

many countries use fossil fuels such as coal or oil as the main sources of energy. however, in some countries the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not the local people. Why is this case and what can be attract more local people to visit this places