IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe colleges should focus on sports as much as they do on studies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #colleges #focus #sports #studies
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There is a belief that
sports
Use synonyms
-related subjects must be given an equal proportion with other studies at the universities.
This
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 essay agrees with the notion and will elucidate the explanation throughout the following paragraph. It is widely recognized that a fit body contributes to a sharp mind. To work at an optimal level, our bodies need to be healthy, and engaging in regular exercise will improve physical health.
In addition
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, doing physical activities like
sports
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 not only increases the efficiency of our minds but
also
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 stimulates blood flow and leads to more oxygen supplied to the brain.
Furthermore
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, a lack of physical activity can lead to mental health problems, and
students
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 will easily suffer from depression.
Students
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 who do not engage in
sports
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 or regular exercise are more prone to experience symptoms of depression. Physical activity helps release endorphins, which can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression symptoms.
Sports
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also
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 require planning and dedication which means that those who are engaged in regular activity are self-disciplined. Those skills are needed not only for academic ability but
also
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 for
students
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' career lives later in the future.
Students
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 who engage in
sports
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 learn to manage their time effectively and learn about resiliency as they need to work hard to balance between studies and physical activities. They understand the importance of prioritizing tasks and know how to balance their responsibilities efficiently. In conclusion, colleges should give attention to
sports
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 the same portion as they do to other academic studies as it will not only enhance student's well-being but
also
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 enrich their experience for their future lives.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the arguments you provide are fully developed, with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to guide the reader through your arguments and ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay strictly adheres to the prompt. Discuss a balanced view if required and avoid skewing towards a single aspect without exploring others if a comparative response is necessary.
task achievement
Provide clearer, more definite examples to support your main points, and ensure these examples are directly relevant to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on establishing a stronger conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your thesis with a sense of closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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