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Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.

#obesity #children #countries #effects #future
In recent years, many countries have witnessed a troubling rise in
children
's obesity.
This
 can be attributed to many factors, including incorrect daily consumption of
food
 and decreasing support from the government.
This
 essay will discuss these problems and suggest some effective solutions. One of the obvious reasons for
such
 a problem is the incorrect or frequent consumption of fast
food
. Nowadays, almost every country has a large number of fast
food
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 with fascinating and appealing options, and
it is clear that
 90% of kids cannot refuse
such
 delicious
food
.
Moreover
, a significant amount of discounts can be observed, which
further
 provokes
children
 to buy them. Another main reason is the decreasing support from the government. Authorities in many countries almost forget about the problems of
children
instead
 of encouraging them to work out, which plays an important role not only in combating obesity but
also
 in ensuring the health of future generations. These are the main causes of
this
 issue. To reduce the problem effectively, it is essential to eliminate the causes mentioned above.
Firstly
, countries need to reduce the number of
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 establishments.
This
 approach will help to decrease the attendance of
children
 and limit their consumption of unhealthy
food
.
Secondly
, the government should encourage
children
 to engage in more sports activities.
For instance
, they can provide them with equipment to train their bodies and reduce fat more effectively than by sitting idly.
To conclude
,
although
this
 problem presents noticeable challenges for
children
 and parents, the solutions mentioned in the second paragraph can help reduce it if implemented accurately.
Submitted by khmukhid on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples, such as statistics or case studies, to bolster your points about fast food consumption and government inactivity.
task achievement
Ensure that all key points are discussed in the body paragraphs. Consider adding more depth to how government involvement directly affects children's lifestyle choices.
coherence cohesion
Increase the logical flow between your points. For example, explain precisely how discounts at fast-food outlets lead to higher consumption among children.
coherence cohesion
Clear delineation of causes and solutions within separate paragraphs enhances readability.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies and discusses two main causes of childhood obesity.
coherence cohesion
Structured with a strong introduction and conclusion that bookend the discussion nicely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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