Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.

#obesity #children #countries #effects #future

In recent years, many countries have witnessed a troubling rise in

children

's obesity.

This

can be attributed to many factors, including incorrect daily consumption of

food

and decreasing support from the government.

This

essay will discuss these problems and suggest some effective solutions. One of the obvious reasons for

such

a problem is the incorrect or frequent consumption of fast

food

. Nowadays, almost every country has a large number of fast

food

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

with fascinating and appealing options, and

it is clear that

90% of kids cannot refuse

such

delicious

food

Moreover

, a significant amount of discounts can be observed, which

further

provokes

children

to buy them. Another main reason is the decreasing support from the government. Authorities in many countries almost forget about the problems of

children

instead

of encouraging them to work out, which plays an important role not only in combating obesity but

also

in ensuring the health of future generations. These are the main causes of

this

issue. To reduce the problem effectively, it is essential to eliminate the causes mentioned above.

Firstly

, countries need to reduce the number of

fast

Add a hyphen

fast-food

show examples

food

establishments.

This

approach will help to decrease the attendance of

children

and limit their consumption of unhealthy

food

Secondly

, the government should encourage

children

to engage in more sports activities.

For instance

, they can provide them with equipment to train their bodies and reduce fat more effectively than by sitting idly.

To conclude

although

this

problem presents noticeable challenges for

children

and parents, the solutions mentioned in the second paragraph can help reduce it if implemented accurately.

Submitted by khmukhid on Tue Oct 22 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples, such as statistics or case studies, to bolster your points about fast food consumption and government inactivity.

task achievement

Ensure that all key points are discussed in the body paragraphs. Consider adding more depth to how government involvement directly affects children's lifestyle choices.

coherence cohesion

Increase the logical flow between your points. For example, explain precisely how discounts at fast-food outlets lead to higher consumption among children.

coherence cohesion

Clear delineation of causes and solutions within separate paragraphs enhances readability.

task achievement

The essay effectively identifies and discusses two main causes of childhood obesity.

coherence cohesion

Structured with a strong introduction and conclusion that bookend the discussion nicely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries around the world, voting is compulsory. To what extent do you agree with the notion of compulsory voting.

In many countries it is common for families to own and run their own business. Some people think this is the best way to run a business, while others considered this a potential source of problems. Discuss both sides and Give your opinion.

Many feel that students today should learn practical skills at school such as car maintenance and managing a bank account. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?