IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People argue that team sports should be a part of the school time able for children rather than individual sports such as swimming or running. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #team #sports #part #school #time #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sports
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 is a must
activity
Use synonyms
 in schools.
This
Linking Words
 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the
Use synonyms
activity
Change to a plural noun
activities
show examples
 that helps
students
Use synonyms
 to gain physical and mental strength.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 helps them to get more benefits in later times
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 graduation, jobs and so on.
Sports
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 is categorised as two,
one
Use synonyms
 is individual
sports
Use synonyms
 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 is
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
. Individual
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as athletics(i.e. swimming, running,
longjump
Correct your spelling
long jump
, etc,.) and
Team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as football, cricket, hockey , etc
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
Both
Use synonyms
 of these
sports
Use synonyms
 activities are great
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their own
prespectivies
Correct your spelling
perspectives
perspective
. Now
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
which
one
Use synonyms
 is to be included in
school
Use synonyms
 time or not . All we do in
school
Use synonyms
 is
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get good or best marks or grades in exams.
Thus
Linking Words
, they introduced
sports
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 activities list, which should be included in
one
Use synonyms
 of the periods. There should be
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
one
Use synonyms
 or two periods a week in
school
Use synonyms
 schedules.
This
Linking Words
 helps the
students
Use synonyms
 to get free from their stressful minds. So, that they can later study better. Well
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 move on to categories of
sports
Use synonyms
,
whether
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 which is best for
students
Use synonyms
 .
Individuals
Change the noun form
Individual
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 can showcase the
talents
Use synonyms
 of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual student
whereas
Linking Words
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 will show
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
team
Use synonyms
talents
Use synonyms
 of the
students
Use synonyms
.
Both
Use synonyms
 are good in their
prespectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
. Each
one
Use synonyms
as
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
 their unique
talents
Use synonyms
 in
sports
Use synonyms
 aspects.
Students
Use synonyms
 can always be
invlove
Correct your spelling
involved
involve
 in
both
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can showcase what
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are better
.
Change preposition
at.
show examples
 When they are in
individuals
Change the noun form
individual
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 running, swimming,
longjump
Correct your spelling
long jump
. They can show their individual strength and
talents
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 they can be
one
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 to know
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
strength
Fix the agreement mistake
strengths
show examples
. so, they can be
one
Use synonyms
 in as
team
Use synonyms
 members to win the game which they can help to know about each other by strengthing their
team
Use synonyms
 as friends.
This
Linking Words
 way they can win any game.
As my
Change preposition
My
show examples
 conclusion,
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 these
both
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 best for the
students
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 to know their
talents
Use synonyms
. So, schools must include
both
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 so that the
students
Use synonyms
 can better understand their knowledge
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
sports
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to their future growth.
Submitted by murugadassbe92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: