IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2000

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2000
#show #household #expenditures #japan #malaysia #year
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The given tables represent
sales
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 of
fairtrade-labelled
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fair trade-labelled
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 products
such
Linking Words
 as bananas and coffee
seperately
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separately
 among five different European
countries
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 in 1999 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, coffee
sales
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 had increased for all
countries
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
babanas
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bananas
balance
sales
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, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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slightly decreased for Belgium and Sweeden, between 1999 and 2004. The UK had become the most important customer among other cities with 20
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millions
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million
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of
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apply
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euros
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expenditure
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in expenditure
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 in 2004.
This
Linking Words
 trend
followed
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was followed
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 by Switzerland which was the leading supplier in 1999, but in 2004 their
sales
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about
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were about
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 6
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millions
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million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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euros
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Sweden had remained
its
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in its
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 position in 2004,
who
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which
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 was the least significant
saler
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sales
 of coffee. For bananas, the UK and Switzerland
again
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are again
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 remarkable suppliers with 47 and 5.5
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millions
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million
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of
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apply
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euros
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, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
sales
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 of bananas in Belgium and Sweeden decreased
under
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by
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 1.1
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millions
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million
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of
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apply
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euros
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. These
countries
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were contribute
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contributed
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 less than other European
countries
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 for both products each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
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.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, countries, millions, euros with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
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