IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 brings many benefits to
people
 characters and improvements and corporations financially.
However
, there might be some negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 on
people
’s lives and occupations. As far as I am concerned, taking a step which is resulted in
unknow
Correct your spelling
unknown
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 still should be taken.
To begin
 with, there are several advantages to
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 an option which
incorporate
Correct subject-verb agreement
incorporates
show examples
 high danger.
Firstly
, when a risky choice is made, it will cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a person to go out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 comfort zone.
This
 will happen
pushing
Change the verb form
to push
show examples
 themselves to learn new skills, gain experiences and so on. A positive and individual effect seems to me that achieving goals,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
/ encouraging
people
 to be their best version. Those who
are not believe
Change the verb form
do not believe
show examples
 themselves to flourish can experience
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 successful by doing that. If the result is
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 they want, it will increase their
self-confident
Replace the word
self-confidence
show examples
, happiness and braveness.
Finally
, innovation is a key element to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 successful in the business world. If the company manufacture more innovative product or service,
outcome
Add an article
the outcome
show examples
 might be
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in the
business’
Change noun form
business
show examples
 profit economically.
On the other hand
, taking risks
also
 include
Add an article
the fifty-percent
a fifty-percent
show examples
fifty-percent
Change the spelling
fifty-per cent
show examples
 chance to have some negative impacts. From children to senior citizens,
people
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
 of failing in any exam,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business or job since they do not want to face their failure. By escaping from
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
, they miss some opportunities in their lives
such
 as higher position
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
having
Correct word choice
and having
show examples
 their own businesses.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 adverse implementation is safety concerns. Everyone knows that there are some harmful activities, meaning
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
extreme sports.
For example
, there are a few paragliding incidents, it is quite a bit life-threat
thus
people
 do not take
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 danger of death.
To conclude
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
although
 it is likely to be hazardous, we should consider
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 risky-movement individually
according to
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by ttugce.cakir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: