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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
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Taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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 brings many benefits to
people
Use synonyms
 characters and improvements and corporations financially.
However
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, there might be some negative
impact
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impacts
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 on
people
Use synonyms
’s lives and occupations. As far as I am concerned, taking a step which is resulted in
unknow
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unknown
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result
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results
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 still should be taken.
To begin
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 with, there are several advantages to
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
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 an option which
incorporate
Correct subject-verb agreement
incorporates
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 high danger.
Firstly
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, when a risky choice is made, it will cause
to
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apply
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a person to go out
from
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of
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 comfort zone.
This
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 will happen
pushing
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to push
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 themselves to learn new skills, gain experiences and so on. A positive and individual effect seems to me that achieving goals,
making
Correct word choice
and making
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/ encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to be their best version. Those who
are not believe
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do not believe
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 themselves to flourish can experience
to be
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being
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 successful by doing that. If the result is
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 they want, it will increase their
self-confident
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self-confidence
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, happiness and braveness.
Finally
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, innovation is a key element to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 successful in the business world. If the company manufacture more innovative product or service,
outcome
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the outcome
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 might be
increase
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an increase
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 in the
business’
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business
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 profit economically.
On the other hand
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, taking risks
also
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 include
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the fifty-percent
a fifty-percent
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fifty-percent
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fifty-per cent
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 chance to have some negative impacts. From children to senior citizens,
people
Use synonyms
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
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 of failing in any exam,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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business or job since they do not want to face their failure. By escaping from
big
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the big
a big
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decision
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decisions
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, they miss some opportunities in their lives
such
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 as higher position
job
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jobs
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,
having
Correct word choice
and having
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 their own businesses.
Other
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Another
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 adverse implementation is safety concerns. Everyone knows that there are some harmful activities, meaning
that
Correct word choice
apply
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extreme sports.
For example
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, there are a few paragliding incidents, it is quite a bit life-threat
thus
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people
Use synonyms
 do not take
a
Correct article usage
the
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 danger of death.
To conclude
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, in my
opinion
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,opinion
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although
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 it is likely to be hazardous, we should consider
to do
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doing
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 risky-movement individually
according to
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results
Correct article usage
the results
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. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by ttugce.cakir on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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