IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It seems clear that obesity in today’s society is to some extent due to the availability of fast food. Should the government place a tax on fast food to reduce the amount of fast food consumed?

#obesity #today’s #society #availability #food #government #place #tax #amount
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Recently,
Obesity
Use synonyms
 has been increasing because of the availability of Junk
food
Use synonyms
 . Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that the
government
Use synonyms
 should take a step by imposing a
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 to reduce the consumption amount of it. I personally believe it would be a good solution
however
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 urge
people
Use synonyms
 to work out and follow a healthy diet. Would placing a
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 solve the issue? If the authorities increased
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
,
people
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 would replace it with homemade
food
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thus
Linking Words
, it won't be affordable.
additionally
Linking Words
, the number of restaurants that serve
food
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 would decrease gradually as they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 not be able to make a profit.
For instance
Linking Words
, Some countries force restaurants to apply more than 15%
tax
Use synonyms
 on serving fast
food
Use synonyms
 which ends up reducing the number of customers.
Tax
Use synonyms
 is a good way to avoid
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Although
Linking Words
 reducing the amount of junk
food
Use synonyms
 consumed is a good solution, it will not demolish
obesity
Use synonyms
.
obesity
Use synonyms
 comes from less workout and
increases consuming
Wrong verb form
increased consumption of
show examples
food
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 increases the number of sports facilities and
also
Linking Words
 urges
people
Use synonyms
 to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
, it will help significantly to demolish the overweight problem.
For example
Linking Words
, Some countries give their citizens who suffer from
obesity
Use synonyms
 free access to the gym. working out and healthy
food
Use synonyms
 will be effective ways
along with
Linking Words
 taxes to reduce
obesity
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, It seems clear that the overweight issue in today's community is growing
Thus
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should put a
tax
Use synonyms
 on purchasing street
food
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. I believe It is a good plan
however
Linking Words
 they should increase
people
Use synonyms
's awareness about sports and a healthy diet.
Submitted by imanmuhamed.3089 on

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task response
Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are organized and linked together in a clear and logical way throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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