IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say extreme sports such as rock climbing and sky-diving should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that extreme sports have gained immense popularity , including rock climbing and skydiving, and they should be banned
due to
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 their dangerous nature.
While
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 some
people
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 agree with that view, I believe that proper regulations and safety measures should be taken to ensure both enjoyment and protection. In the modernised century, it is a common extreme sport among individuals;
however
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, banning them could be seen as a way of protecting
people
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 from life-threatening risks.
For example
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,
activities
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such
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 as bungee jumping, skydiving or mountain climbing can involve dangers, accidents that may result in serious injuries or even death.
In addition
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, it creates fear when they are harmed. Governments might justify a ban on the grounds that
such
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 incidents create a burden on healthcare systems and emergency services.
Consequently
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, rescue actions may lead to a sense of fear and danger as well.
Conversely
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, prohibiting extreme sports would ignore
people
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's freedom of choice and the potential benefits of these
activities
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, since many
people
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 tend to attend
such
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activities
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 not only for entertainment but
also
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 for personal growth , including but not limited to courage and confidence.
Besides
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 that,
such
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 sports can reduce the amount of stress, depression and anxiety levels, and improve mental health as they provide an outlet for adrenaline and excitement that ordinary
activities
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 can not offer.
Therefore
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, it should be available for
people
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 as other facilities for relaxation. In conclusion,
although
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 extremes carry undeniable risks, I agree that they should not be banned
due to
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 safety measures and responsible participation; individuals can enjoy the thrill of adventure
while
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 minimising potential dangers.

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language
Use simple, direct language and link ideas with clear transitions.
structure
Make your position clear in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
content
Add more strong examples or data to back up points.
stance
The essay shows a clear view that extreme sports should not be banned.
coherence
Some good linking words and balanced discussion.
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