IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Stress related illnesses are becominh increasingly common. What do you think are the causes? what solutions can you suggest?

#stress #illnesses #becominh
People
 are increasingly suffering from sicknesses as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
stress
. I believe that extreme workload and poor diet are the key reasons behind the scenario,
however
, proper
work
-life balance and healthy
food
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 can address
this
 issue effectively.
This
 essay is going to elucidate the idea in detail. Nowadays
people
work
 for long hours and their workplaces are full of intense competition to survive and eventually rise to the upper positions which
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
show examples
 them to
work
 harder to prove themselves.
As a result
, they mostly ponder over their
work
 at the cost of daily proper
food
 intake in due time, and it leads them to develop
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 diseases. When they suffer from
this
 sickness, their productivity falls which causes them to
work
 for longer hours to complete the same task, and it leads to
further
 deficiency of taking
food
 in due time.
This
 is how the
work
-pressure and health issues fall into a vicious cycle.
However
, maintaining a good
work
-life balance and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet, both are imperative solutions to compensate
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 problem. In fact,
people
 have to know how they can maintain
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between their
work
 life and diet, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them mentally and physically fit.
For instance
, many
people
 are exhausted
while
 working long hours and neglecting their family, friends, hobbies and exercise
as well as
 the
food
 they eat.
Therefore
, in order to reduce
stress
 from their life they must include a better ratio of
work
, rest and dietary sustenance. In conclusion, as workplace pressure and nutrition deficiency are leading causes of
stress induced
Add a hyphen
stress-induced
show examples
 illness, a well-balanced
work
 schedule and a smart daily
food
 intake can be
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 possible solutions to address
this
 consequence.
Submitted by mijindoig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: