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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the technological development, some people think technology reduce crime, but some people think it encourage crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion

#development #people #technology #crime
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In recent days, there are a lot of evolvements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology. Some individuals think that devices would lessen
crimes
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,
although
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 there are those who consider that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 would increase the possibility of offences. I fully agree with the opinion that the
gadgets
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gadget's
gadgets'
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 progress would foster
crimes
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 and the reasons for it will be elaborated in the enlisted paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological advancement would generate some victims
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have not
comprehend
Wrong verb form
comprehended
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about
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apply
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the technical
information
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.
This
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 is because some
people
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 would try to deceive these kinds of individuals
such
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 as children and elderlies for thieving their money by using the gadgets.
For instance
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, there was a
gradually
Change the word
gradual
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 increase in the number of
crimes
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 in Japan because of
this
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 advancement, and 80%
victims
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of victims
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 are occupied by older
people
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 and youngsters who do not understand how to use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 and PC.
Hence
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, these devices make raise of crime rate in the country. Another key point that I would like to emphasize is the fact that adverse
people
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 easily collect citizens’
information
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 by using the internet, and
this
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 would be utilized by offenders to trick individuals.
This
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 is because a lot of social
organization
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organizations
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such
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 as the local government and companies have administered enormous data by the internet clouds, and if
people
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 are able to invade
to
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apply
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the
data bases
Correct your spelling
databases
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, they can obtain huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
information
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.
According to
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 research done in 2018, 20% of Japanese
crimes
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 are produced because corporates lost
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
essential
information
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of
Change preposition
about
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 their customers In conclusion,
although
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technical
evolvement
Replace the word
evolution
show examples
 can induce some beneficial impacts on reducing crime, the tech would be exploited to offend.
Therefore
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, I completely agree with
this
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 view.
Submitted by shimamura0116 on

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