IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system
There is a widely held view among people that parents who send their kids to their own
schools
 should be free from paying
taxes
 that improve the public education system. I totally disagree with
this
 point of view for a couple of reasons from my perspective.
Firstly
, there is no reason
for
Change preposition
that
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 those who send their kids to private
schools
 had better not be compulsory
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 paying
taxes
. It boils down to parent's preference, which they want their children to study in the advanced educational systems. If they ought not to be forced to pay
taxes
due to
 the higher tuition fees for private
schools
, no one would want to choose the state
schools
 for their children to study.
This
 is because nobody wants to pay more tax but low tuition fees in public
schools
 where the quality of infrastructure and qualification is worse than the international or bilingual
schools
.
Therefore
, free tax in
this
 case is nonsense.
Additionally
, it is said that paying
taxes
 is the responsibility of all citizens in the country to build a fairer society. The tax budget will be allocated to support many sectors including the state education system, thereby promoting its development not only in facilities but
also
 in educational qualifications.
This
 will result in a sustainable community, in which people are all privileged to be well-educated and well-treated. Those who have more study opportunities will become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talented workforces and contribute to social development in the future. In conclusion,
while
 some advocate that parents who send their kids to international
schools
 should not be obliged to pay
taxes
, I strongly believe that paying
taxes
 is all citizens' duty to create a better society.
Submitted by hongmien.n on

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logical structure
The essay could benefit from a slightly clearer logical structure. Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity and natural flow. For example, 'no reason for those who send their kids to private schools had better not be compulsory of paying taxes' could be more clearly phrased.
relevant specific examples
Examples relevant to the argument could help strengthen the task achievement score. Instead of speaking in general terms, you could mention specific countries or studies that illustrate your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elaborate on the clear and comprehensive ideas. While the essay presents good points, further development and explanation could make the argument more compelling. For instance, discussing more about how tax contributions directly affect improvements in public education could offer depth.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay.
supported main points
The main points are well-articulated and supported by logical reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
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