IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

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Many
people
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 are having
diffuculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 getting enough sleep I personally believe that
this
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 a number of reasons like: social
medias
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media
show examples
,
work
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 and stress. A lot of
people
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now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 are exposed to social
media
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 and
keeps
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keep
show examples
 on scrolling
to
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through
show examples
 different social
media
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platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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 before going to bed,
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also
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apply
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in my experience I
also
Linking Words
 browse my social
media
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 accounts before going to bed, which sometimes
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 me to lose track of
time
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. Sometimes I find myself being entertained
on
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by
show examples
 some videos that
causes
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cause
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 me to lose my sleepiness.
While
Linking Words
 for some
people
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work
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 can be a factor, a great example are some
people
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 who are working
on
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apply
show examples
night or graveyard shifts, which can really affect their sleeping habits since some
people
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 are having difficulties sleeping
at
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in
show examples
 the morning,
this
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 can
also
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 be
due to
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 the personal body clock or the
environement
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environment
 since most of the
neighbors
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neighbours
show examples
 are awake and doing different activities.
Lastly
Linking Words
, stress is one of
a
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the
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 great
factor
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factors
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 that can affect your sleep, most
people
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over think
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overthink
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 their
problems
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 before sleeping since
this
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 is a quiet
time
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 for you to think of your worries and
problems
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. I personally experience
this
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 as well, since sometimes I find myself contemplating
on
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apply
show examples
some of my worries in the future before I go to sleep. What I suggest to improve the quality of your sleep, is
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 sure that you give yourself a deadline when using your phone or browsing your social
media
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 accounts. It is important to set boundaries on social
media
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 since your feed will never end, you should be disciplined enough to know when to stop. It would
also
Linking Words
 be best if you seek help from your family and friends in order to relieve some of your stress or
problems
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. Try not to
over think
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overthink
show examples
 some of your
problems
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 and find
time
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 to pamper yourself from
time
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 to
time
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.
Over coming
Correct your spelling
Overcoming
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 challenges is part of our life so we need to enjoy our lives and not focus on the negative part of life. With regards to sleep issues
due to
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work
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, make sure to balance out your
work
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 and life, set boundaries for each day but make sure to never jeopardize your
work
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 performance. I would
also
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 suggest
to try
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trying
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 to fit
some
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in some
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 of your
favorite
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favourite
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 physical activities like going for a jog or to the gym to make sure that you stay healthy
and
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apply
show examples
additional physical activities can
also
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results
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result
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to
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in
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 some exhaustion that may help you to have a good sleep. Having a good quality sleep will help you to do more things on the next day so in order to be productive you need to
also
Linking Words
 have a good rest.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider tightening the main points in each paragraph to improve clarity and directness. Maybe try focusing on fewer points and elaborating more on them.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use proper punctuation and spacing. This will help the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Provide additional specific examples to support your arguments, particularly in the section on stress and its effects on sleep. This can strengthen your overall argument.
task achievement
Although the introduction outlines problems, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement outlining the points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You provided personal experience, which adds a relatable touch to your essay and demonstrates understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You offered practical advice for improving sleep quality which shows your ability to think critically about solutions to the issues discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
What to do next:
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