IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

A
lot
Use synonyms
 of people have difficulties getting enough sleep and I can relate. In our modern world, there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of negative factors that can influence
on
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apply
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our sleeping behaviour.
On
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In
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 my point of view, the first and the main problem is a blue light from our smartphones, laptops, TV screens, iPads, etc. There were a
lot
Use synonyms
 of different experiments that showed the negative influence of using devices before getting sleep. The solution is to avoid looking at the screen
before
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two hours
when
Correct word choice
before
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 you
are going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed.
Also
Linking Words
, try to leave your phone in another room. It will help you not to touch it after every received notification. Mode "Do not disturb" can help you as well. The second reason is an increased level of stress, especially here, in Ukraine.
Unfortunatelly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
, there is no one-click solution
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to deal with all
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 circumstances which brave
citizenes
Correct your spelling
citizens
 of our country have to face. Personally for me, running, birdwatching, reading and looking for
a treasures
Correct the article-noun agreement
treasures
a treasure
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second-hand shops are the best ways to receive positive emotions which help to get rid of
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of stress. The third reason is some issues with
health
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
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 only
doctor
Correct article usage
the doctor
show examples
 can help. Annual basic check-up of your
health
Use synonyms
 is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 sign of
selfcare
Correct your spelling
self-care
. Do not ignore
this
Linking Words
. The fourth reason is unhealthy food, which includes a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
, sweets, Coca-Cola, etc.
This
Linking Words
 kind of food ruins our
health
Use synonyms
. So we need to keep in
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mind that we are responsible for our lives and if we want to live
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 and happy life we should take care of what we eat.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I want to mention that good sleep is a basic step to keep your mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right condition. So please, do not ignore
tips
Correct article usage
the tips
show examples
 above to improve your sleep. Take care and sleep tight!

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the connection between some ideas can be improved. Try using linking words or phrases to show how one idea relates to another.
task achievement
You provide good solutions for the problems, but adding more examples can strengthen your points. Think of specific instances or studies to support your claims.
language accuracy
Watch for small errors in grammar. For example, 'influence on' should be 'influence our' or 'affect our' in this context. Proofreading can help avoid these mistakes.
task achievement
Your essay clearly identifies several causes of lack of sleep and suggests practical solutions, showing good understanding of the topic.
engagement
You have a friendly tone and a direct way of communicating with the reader, which makes the essay engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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