IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#schools
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The problem of bullying on campuses has been a serious issue in many regions for a long time, which could be caused by various reasons, including the distinction in family backgrounds and characteristics. In my perspective, educational institutions play essential roles to encourage young individuals to embrace different opinions and the capacity of telling right from wrong.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the cogent causes leading to the deterioration in school bullying is the conflicts derived from disagreements, in which minorities, who have different perspectives, are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outliers and are more likely to encounter unfair treatment or even bullying, verbally and physically. Since most young individuals have stereotypes of gender and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prejudices which put those who don't fit in their social characters in a vulnerable situation.
For example
Linking Words
, years ago, a boy in Taiwan, who underwent long-term abuse by classmates
due to
Linking Words
 his feminist characteristics, are found dead in the school. There are some countermeasures that could prevent
such
Linking Words
 tragedies happened again. First of all, it is crucial for educators to play role models and avoid giving biased comments, including judging students by their gender.
Secondly
Linking Words
, educational institutions should provide teaching materials involved with different cultures to expand the horizons of youth and be able to be open-minded to unfamiliar ideas. To summarise, the population of victims of bullying are growing in size nowadays, which makes school no longer the place to study safely. To solve
such
Linking Words
 problems, teachers should be more aware of their behaviours.
Along with
Linking Words
 it, schools should vary the contents of teaching materials with different cultural backgrounds to provoke compassion and understanding.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: