Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Some young adolescents spend countless hours every
day
on their gadgets. This
is a problem in many developed countries, and I think that it has a positive effect on development.
In many underdeveloped nations, the main problem for children is surviving the cold nights in Africa and Kenya. However
, in developed or developing nations, the main cause of stress would be the fact that the internet isn’t working well or the phone isn’t the latest one
. That’s just the unfairness of the world nowadays. For example
, if a child has malaria or Ebola, their first task in life
would be surviving and living to see another day
. Nonetheless
, if a kid was born into a wealthy family, their task in life
would be to study at school or get a well-paid job. Why should one
child be sitting all day
in an AC-filled room, enjoying life
with a smartphone at hand, while
another should get married at 13 and start a family for the sake of living normally?
This
is where smartphones are and how they can help these kids in underdeveloped countries. YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram are very well-known social media sites to use among teenagers. Spreading information through social media is like spreading lice through
Change preposition
from
one
kid's hair to another. If one
teenager in the USA shares another teen mom’s story in Africa, this
can help increase the life
chances of that teenager. Phones and technology are never a bad thing, as they can change someone’s life
drastically. So, if a kid spends hours every day
on their smartphones, ridiculing them and being angry at them is not an option. They are probably changing lives out there, and you may not even know about it!
In conclusion, it is safe to say that the world is a cruel place where there are many Replace the word
unfair’s
unfairness’s
going on; Replace the word
unfair’s
however
, the best that we can do is keep our heads high and help the ones in need.Submitted by checkmyessay9 on
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task achievement
Your essay does address the task, but the main points could be more clearly defined. You should ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the question and provides evidence or examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, some parts can be more logically structured. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate use of transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present and provide a clear overall structure to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay brings up interesting points about the varying challenges faced by children in different parts of the world, which demonstrates an attempt to address larger societal issues.
task achievement
You make a good argument for the positive potential of smartphones, especially in the context of social media's ability to raise awareness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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