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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives data about the popularity (proportion of people doing regularly)of various sports in different countries.The graph shows the amount of time that people in those countries spend reading books,newspapers or internet articles per day.There is also a table showing the average price of books.

The chart below gives data about the popularity (proportion of people doing regularly)of various sports in different countries.The graph shows the amount of time that people in those countries spend reading books,newspapers or internet articles per day.There is also a table showing the average price of books.
The chart illustrates information about the famous engagement of
people
Use synonyms
 in Tennis,Swimming,Running and Gym,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart describes the time spent by
people
Use synonyms
 in the given country
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other activities like reading academic
literatures
Change the wording
literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
,
magazine
Fix the agreement mistake
magazines
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 or getting information from the
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,the table given gives
report
Add an article
a report
show examples
 on the average price of books read in the four different countries(
Use synonyms
Nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
show examples
 A,
B
Use synonyms
,C and D).The units of measurement are
Percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
Percentages
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,Minutes and Money.
Overall
Linking Words
,we can see that most
people
Use synonyms
 visit gyms in
Nation
Use synonyms
 D, followed by Running in
Nation
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 all other regions thread a similar pattern.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in
Country
Fix the agreement mistake
Countries
show examples
 A,C and D spent almost the same time reading books and retrieving information from other sources. Next,the table shows that all
Use synonyms
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 have
range
Correct article usage
a range
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 value of prices.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Region D has approximately 25% of
people
Use synonyms
 who use the gym,it ranked the highest position,followed by Racing which took second place about 23% in
Nation
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.The remaining countries follow the same pattern which accounts for approximately 10%. Regarding the time spent reading,the four countries exhausted about 50 minutes
on
Change preposition
of
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 studying on a daily basis, except for
Nation
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 civilians who spent
20minutes
Correct your spelling
20 minutes
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all given
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 explored
same
Change the article
the same
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 amount of funds
purchasing
Change preposition
for purchasing
show examples
 academic materials which ranged between 6.9 Euros to 7.1 Euros

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, nation, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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