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Band 4

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
Nowadays, there is
rising
Correct article usage
a rising
show examples
 influence of social
media
, on many people which has given rise to
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of arguments.
due
Correct your spelling
Due
show examples
 to
this
 , some believe that the concentration power of individuals is decreasing .
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement for some reasons, which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the decreasing attention level of individuals is not just because of social
media
 but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 includes other factors
such
 as technological devices .
for instance
, the time spent on mobiles and laptops
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the primary cause behind lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
concentration level, leading to problems of stress and anxiety.
Threfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, it
wrong
Add a missing verb
is wrong
show examples
 to consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 the primary cause behind
this
 issue.
Moreover
, the reason can be the sedentary lifestyles of the crowd.
In other words
, the long working hours which
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 jobbers to sit for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time, results in affecting cognitive function.
for
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 example, in the
usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 the average rate of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 requires 8 men hours and continuously sitting without physical activity leads to
Change preposition
to mlow
show examples
mlow
Correct your spelling
low
slow
 functioning of
cognitive
Add an article
the cognitive
a cognitive
show examples
 system.
However
, there are some who believe that social
media
 actually results in low concentration power as it increases
addicted
Replace the word
addictive
show examples
 behaviour among youths.to explicate, as
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation always
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 busy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scrolling through social apps which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
,
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
show examples
 and YouTube. In conclusion,
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
few individuals think that the prevalence of social
media
 is reducing attention spans .yet , I strongly believe that
root
Correct article usage
the root
show examples
 cause behind
this
 problem is advanced technology and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle.
Submitted by lakhanaberdar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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