IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
There are numerous reasons to support the fact that hard
work
 and determination are two key factors for
success
 in life.
However
, as an alternative argument financial condition and looks of the
person
 may
also
 be the primary criteria for
success
. Some people believe that financial status and appearance are important for
success
. They advocate that the looks of a
person
 determine his confidence which is a vital factor in
success
. No one can complete any task without considering himself capable of that.
Hence
, the confidence of the
person
 plays a very key role.
Furthermore
, money is another important factor as it provides the support to lead the career of your choice. Without financial security, it makes the
way
 to
success
 much more challenging. In a
way
, money saves the energy and time of a
person
. It creates numerous opportunities to progress in a rapid
way
 in the career of their desire. Based on
this
 view, the utmost need for
success
 is financial stability and appearance. On the other side, people have certain justifications to agree with the view that ambition
along with
 hard
work
 is the key to
success
. People believe that the
way
 to
success
 has no shortcuts and the primary criteria is to acquire knowledge and practical experiences through hard
work
. We can have monetary support from someone.
However
, no one can help us in developing our skills which needs the efforts of my own only. The second most important thing to reach our ultimate goal is our determination. It is because no dream can be fulfilled without ambition and persistence.
Hence
, one should be hardworking and have the strong
will power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
 to attain the goal of his life.
To sum up
,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appearance and financial position have a great impact on achievement, hard
work
 and determination are the most dominant factors in the
way
 of
success
.
Submitted by ritanurhasanah36 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: