IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #museums #art #galleries #objects #works #computer
In recent years, more and more
people
 argue that public
museums
 or art galleries would not be necessary, because with the
internet
 and high
technology
Add a comma
,technology
show examples
people
 could reach historical
objects
 and arts effortlessly.
However
, we should discuss
this
 issue from a different angle. Thanks to high technology and the ubiquitous
internet
,
people
 now could visit
museums
 and art galleries online, which could bring a number of benefits.
For example
, the government could save a great deal of money because they do not have to worry about the high cost of opening new public
museums
 or the cost of protecting those historical
objects
.
Likewise
,
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
internet
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could help
people
 visit
museums
 online from anywhere at any time even in different time zones or other countries.
On the other hand
, there are some negative effects if we do not have physical
museums
 or other similar facilities in society,
for instance
, we could lose many job opportunities.
By contrast
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 visiting real
museums
,
people
 could have a strong impression when they see these historical
objects
 in person, and it could present the authentic texture and details of the works as well. Another benefit is that physical
museums
 could boost the economy because
museums
 would attract more
people
 to visit. In conclusion, I personally agree that by using the
internet
, it could bring many advantages and make us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
reach artworks easily.
Nevertheless
, physical
museums
 still have their value to existing in society, so
people
 could consider both ways to present these historical
objects
 and works.
Submitted by sw15923 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual
  • digital
  • online
  • accessibility
  • inclusivity
  • cultural heritage
  • physical experience
  • immersion
  • local tourism
  • economy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: