Many students take part-time jobs while studying in University. Do you think it is a good idea or bad idea?

In fact, many college scholars these days engage in temporary

work

like delivery drivers or receptionists. It is believed to have positive impacts on students as they can enhance their good virtues. Personally, I agree

this

is an excellent idea since the learners could have more chances to both learn in schools and experience the outside world.

Firstly

, part-time occupations help some impoverished or national students to earn income

although

it is not high. It creates a chance for them to assist their family.

Besides

that, the study abroad life is quite tough for foreigners because developed nations usually have expensive living demands, specifically everything is costly.

For example

, I have a friend who is studying abroad in Finland, she has to

work

as a waitress since the living costs are really pricey.

Moreover

, some pupils choose to do part-time professions since

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they want to become more mature and experienced. Alongside studying in universities, they

also

want to spend their free time on those jobs, bringing numerous advantages for them

such

as hard

work

. Scholars can easily accumulate

Correct article usage

a grasps

show examples

grasps

Fix the agreement mistake

grasp

show examples

and skills through it.

Furthermore

, experience is really pivotal for their future career. As an illustration, one of my mom's friends used to

work

as a staff in a cafe so she already had knowledge during the period when she was at it.

Consequently

, she opened a very successful cafe chain

due to

her experience as an employee before. In conclusion, working as a contemporary jobs employee brings several benefits to students and it should be encouraged widely.

Submitted by soy.jen.0806 on Sat May 13 2023

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

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Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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