IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Surveys show that people are living longer in many countries. But increased life expectancy has many implications for aging individuals and for society as a whole. What are the possible effects of longer living for individuals and society?

#surveys #show #people #countries #life #expectancy #implications #individuals #society #effects
Science and healthcare have evolved over the decades and
life
 expectancy has increased around the globe as reports suggest. Though,
this
 change has
direct
Add an article
a direct
show examples
 impact on the society and individuals. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss the probable repercussions of
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
life
 on the world. If we see from an individual’s perspective, people are happier with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longevity in
life
. To illustrate, it makes everyone sad when someone
lose
Change the verb form
loses
show examples
 a close family member or friend but with the increase in
life
 span, we can spend more time with our near ones and vice versa.
Moreover
, long
life
 means that we have more time to achieve our goals, travelling and learning.
On the other hand
, many countries are facing
economic
Add an article
an economic
show examples
 crisis as there are a lot of people who are reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement age which means that they will become a liability for the nation.
For instance
, a survey conducted by an international media firm
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 that more than half of Japan’s population will reach the retirement age by 2030 and it has become a major roadblock for their economic development. More aged people mean more expenditure required in the health care domain.
Additionally
, countries will be able to earn less taxes and will have to spend more on retirement funds.
To conclude
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
life
 expectancy may have many consequences for
society
Add an article
a society
the society
show examples
 like financial burden
whereas
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 individuals, it brings a lot of opportunities
as well as
 health problems. But governments should work on providing a better
life
 to their aged citizens until healthcare becomes advance enough to cure all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases and health problems.
Submitted by kuldeepakdhir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: