IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#children #time #tv #computer #games #people #effects #abilities #disagree？
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Many argue that watching TV and playing video simulators excessively has negative consequences on children's mental health;
However
, I believe a balanced approach is key.
To begin
 with, proponents of excessive usage of television and video simulations have a negative impact on children, and it is trusted that excessive usage of anything can be harmful to anyone.
Hence
, there should be a certain limit on everything. In recent years, it has been observed that teenagers are more aggressive than the previous generation's teenagers used to be, and it is believed, that excessive usage of TV and video simulators plays a significant role.
For instance
, violent games and shows are something that attracts youngsters, and these types of entertainment can influence aggressive behaviour and affect their mental abilities.
On the contrary
, there have been some case studies that have showcased that television and computer simulators have some positive impact on youngsters.
For instance
, the case study showcased that youngsters who play games and watch television have better critical thinking and problem-solving skills than children who do not do the same. It is believed that games and shows enhance their cognitive thinking.
To conclude
, from the arguments and examples given, I firmly believe a balanced approach is necessary.
Due to
 the negative and positive impact of their entertainment,
hence
, there should be a balance between everything. The management and content of their entertainment should be observed and controlled by parents.
Submitted by somynarain12 on

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coherence cohesion
Clarify the main ideas in each paragraph to improve coherence. For instance, clearly outline why some people believe excessive TV and video games are harmful in one paragraph and then move on to the positive aspects in the next.
task achievement
Ensure each point is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, the argument about aggressive behavior due to violent games needs more concrete examples or studies.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main point of your argument.
task achievement
The balanced approach argument is clearly conveyed, showing a well-rounded perspective on the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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