IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Today, more and more schools prefer to buy for the discipline's student types of junk food and sweet drinks during their lunchtime.In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
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 statement and I believe that selling student unhealthy food damages their health for two reasons.
Firstly
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, junk meal destroys pupils' brains and make them lose their attention during exams period. In fact, students need different precios of healthy food which include vitamins and proteins.
Furthermore
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, eating vegetables and fruit at school will
grow induction
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 awareness of healthy snacks. A study published by Muscut University in 1999 concluded that 90% of accession get high grades during exams period because they used to eat a variety worth of good meals.
As a result
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, healthy nutrition provides an amount of energy for
kids
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 and helps them increase their skills in thinking.
Secondly
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, unhealthy dishes with poor value promote many health diseases for young people , especially institutional
kids
Use synonyms
.What I mean, engagement can get Viruses when they contribute to their bodies with sugar and sweets.
In addition
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, sugary meals have a bad effect on
kids
Use synonyms
 they can spoil the brain work and body activity.
For example
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: many small children who eat sweets always feel weak and lazy in department activities like sports clubs.
Therefore
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, Sweetness Meals donates widely chronic diseases for teenagers and young
kids
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, good healthy dishes give children at the academy fabulous energy and it is considered one of the most important sources for getting rocketry grades on exams and more power in school workouts

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task achievement
Make sure to stay focused on the main topic of the essay prompt throughout, ensuring that your introduction and conclusion are aligned.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points; this will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar; ensuring grammatical accuracy will make your ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Use connecting words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph addresses only one main idea for better clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic, expressing disagreement with selling unhealthy food at schools.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a structured introduction and conclusion, which support the overall writing task.
task achievement
The use of an external study as an example is effective in supporting the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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